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‘Love
is blind, but marriage is a great eye-opener’ -
cynical saying
Cynicism apart, it’s a common enough experience.
After the first bloom of strong attraction and
the experience many describe as ‘being in love’,
comes a time when the underlying emotional patterns,
habits and expectations emerge and that first
bloom seems to fade. The Human Givens approach
recognizes this as potentially the beginning of
a new phase – the chance to find ways to meet
mutual needs more effectively and to develop deeper
bonds.
Equally, since not all relationships can or should
be preserved, the approach can also allow couples
in the midst of conflict to take a long, cool
look at what they are doing to themselves and
their families, to be sincere about what is really
possible and, if really necessarily, to part amicably.
Reasons
for difficulties: There are many
factors that test a relationship, ranging from
stress arising from work, loss of a job, death
of a family member or the illness of a child,
trauma, different approaches to parenting, intrusiveness
from extended family, to life changes such as
children growing up and leaving home, the development
of new professional directions, involvements,
beliefs and friendships and many more. It is natural,
common and a part of ordinary life for these kinds
of stresses and strains to crop up.
Intelligent
counselling can enable people to
recognize and change patterns of communication
and behaviour that have become stuck, to recognize
the best ways to resolve conflicts when they arise
and to discover new strengths and resources as
a couple.
How
many sessions? Resolution to basic
difficulties are often found within one session.
Typically the Human Givens counsellor will work
with a couple for two to four sessions, sometimes
seeing each partner for an individual session.
In some cases, more sessions are needed.
Sessions
are practically oriented.
It is the job of the counsellor to reflect back
the patterns of behaviour that have caused difficultiess.
The couple borrow her or his more objective intelligence
about the situation, in order to re-develop their
own objectivity and intelligence. The counsellor
may also teach techniques of relaxation and guided
imagery and give information and advice about
a variety of related issues. It is common for
simple tasks to be agreed and undertaken between
sessions
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